Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving. [entries|friends|calendar] Stacey-boo [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

up here in the city, it feels like things are closing in. [02 Feb 2008|01:55am] [ music | Ryan Adams. ] it's been a week and four days since my best friend died. i watched my best friend in the whole world die. i watched her. i saw her take her last breath. i witnessed the death of my best friend.  i keep expecting her to show up. i see her everywhere. i hear her voice, i hear her singing in my ear. I can almost feel her laughing with me. it hasn't clicked that she isn't coming back. i can FEEL her. i can. but she's not here. simply feeling her isn't enough for me.  i'm lost without my becca. i feel like the life has been sucked out of me, i feel like i'll never be happy ever again. how can i be happy when the source of my laughter is gone? how can i continue living without my heart?  its not fair. she should not have been the one to be struck down with cancer. it should have been someone else. because it just doesn't make sense that a good God would rip us apart. how can i even be sure that i'll ever see her again? i don't even have that hope. i have no fucking clue. why did this happen? becca is my lifeline. i cant even use the past tense. this is going to hurt forever. i am not crushed, i am shattered. my becca is never coming back. i can't accept this. i am utterly devastated. she would be so pissed at me right now. i'm sitting here crying over soemthing i will never be able to change. she would hate that i'm crying over her of all people. i can't help it. i really can't.  where am i going to find someone that understands me the way she does? or can make me laugh, or can read my mind, or loves the same stupid stuff i do?  i hate this. no one should ever have to go through this. not this soon. fuck cancer. rebecca christine chappell is my soul mate. she is my angel. without her i would not have survived. i wouldn't be who i am. you must be blind

[23 Jul 2007|01:07am] it's my birthday. :) you must be blind

the end is here. [15 Dec 2006|02:02am] [ mood | meh. ] i'm obsessively listening to radiohead and eating my wendy's burger that one of the girls on the floor got for me, and taking a break from studying for psyc. tomorrow is my last exam. so far, i believe that i have 3 A's and a B, and if i do well on this test tomorrow, i'll have a C in psyc. don't judge me, i simply don't get it and can't force myself to learn. william has been calling me every 10 minutes for the past 2 hours. its annoying the shit out of me and its rather funny at the same time because he's never wanted to talk to me this much before. ever. he made the decision to officially go active and if everything goes as scheduled, he'll be leaving for 6 months at the end of january. i need some sleep. you must be blind

the facts. [26 Nov 2006|08:26pm] ending my first semester of college its been rough love my roomate, hate living with her still with william and having problems that can be worked out dad went into the hospital with gallstones that caused a near-fatal case of pancreatitis dad gets out of the hospital becca goes into the hospital with leukemia dad goes back into the hospital with pseudocysts on his pancreas erin gets into a car accident on thanksgiving winter break in three weeks, along with returning to golds gym and some normality next semester, I'm going to a ball in West Point, I'll be taking a chorus class, and I'm finding a new job and different friends Dad was in the hospital for Thanksgiving, and will remain there until sometime next week, we hope. I'm trying to get through the semester and keep my decent grades. William is trying, I know he is, but he has a long way to go. I've been trying to block everything out and just do what I need to do to get through the day. I feel life itself kicking me in the ass, but I'll be a mess once I start feeling the blows of reality. you must be blind

[06 Apr 2006|01:05pm] i'm back. you must be blind

[05 Aug 2005|02:21pm] [ mood | AWESOME. ] [ music | do dee do dee do ] new layout thanks to Jeannette. I love you oh so much. and kandas, I made sure that i saved the layout that you made for me so your hard work doesn't get thornw into cyberspace somewhee. :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECCA! you must be blind

[31 Jul 2005|09:38pm] until I get a friends only banner...leave a comment on this post if you want to see my journal. mmk. :) you must be blind

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